Who Shot Mary Sue?
by death by storm
Summary: A terrifying sort of character comes to visit Raito and L. Kira faces his toughest challenge yet of ridding the world of evil. Crack, OOC and Mary Sue bashing.


_Another Crack Oneshot done by Deathbystorm. Yes I am stuck on Shinigami not to mention the computer virus is still wandering about. It took me five tries to save this document!!! As for Shinigami, I have the next three chapters outlined, but I have spent the last several days staring at a blank document trying to write chapter 5. I am hoping this will break me out of my writer's block. Once again, I shall ignore most of the canon plot._

_Also for some reason, my open office has become corrupt! I only found out when I was trying to upload this document to fanfiction. I just erased one of the chapter exports I had and replaced it with this. Soooo frustrating._

_I do have to admit that this isn't my best work crack fic wise... but enjoy anyway._

Disclaimer: All I own is Mariella Castella Belaqwa Charri Blossum and I highly doubt anyone wants to dispute that claim.

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Who Shot Mary Sue?

L and Raito were working on a new lead for the Kira case. The investigation team had gone home for the evening. Higuchi had died recently and Raito had gained back his memories of Kira. Of course, L had no proof of that.

"Hello!"

Raito eyetwitched. "Misa, I have told you time and again not to bother me while I am working."

"My name is Mariella Castella Belaqwa Charri Blossum but you can call me Marie," she announced.

They both turned around. In front of them stood a girl smiling cheerfully. Her hair was a glossy purple colour that shone with the radiance of a thousand suns. Her rose coloured lipstick enhanced already plump lips. The deep blue dress she wore over her perfectly shaped body was short, but did not make her look like a slut. Her deep blue eyes were expressive and outlined extensively in black kohl. Her face was clear of any blemish and her skin was like porcelain. Yes Mariella Castella Belaqwa Charri Blossum was indeed a beautiful girl.

"Raito-kun, I find it suspicious that you can't even recognize Misa's voice. The probability of you being Kira has increased to 63 percent."

Raito suppressed a wince. "Don't we have more important things to worry about?"

"Are you sure, Raito-kun?" L asked.

"Quite, Ryuzaki," came the reply. "How did you get in here... Marie?"

"Oh! I walked through the walls!" She said brightly.

L fell off his chair in shock. "That... defies all logic," he said slowly.

"I have come for my one true love, Raito!" she said happily.

With that, Mariella Castella Belaqwa Charri Blossum rushed forward and jumped onto the aforementioned man. Uncharacteristically, he was too shocked to move.

L was still mulling over the fact that this girl had walked through several walls.

"I looooove you Kira," Mariella Castella Belaqwa Charri Blossum whispered to Raito, batting her perfect eyelashes over her expressive eyes. She slowly ran a finger down his chest. Her head moved, and her purple hair shifted so that it came in contact with his face. "I also have the shinigami eyes as well."

Raito shuddered at the implications.

"Awww! Raito just needs a little lovin'," she cooed and kissed the mass murderer on the cheek.

"Excuse me, I have to go to the washroom," Raito announced. He stood up and the girl fell from his lap to the floor with an undignified thud. He practically ran out of the room.

Raito leaned against the wall just outside the door and pulled out the Death Note from underneath his shirt.

"Oooh I bet I excited him too much," came the giggle inside the room. Raito shuddered. This horrible monstrosity had to be destroyed!

Raito opened the notebook to a random page and pulled a pen out of his pocket. Unsure of how to spell her name, he tried four different ways:

Mariella Castella Belaqua Cherry Blossom

Mariella Castella Belaqa Cherri Blossum

Mariela Castella Belaquwa Cherry Blossom

Mariella Castella Belaque Cherri Blossum.

Raito smirked, secure in the knowledge that he would soon be freed of the annoying wench.

Forty seconds passed. A giggle came from the room. Raito broke down into tears.

"It's not fair dammit!" he screamed/sobbed. "Now I'm stuck with that bitch forever."

Still sniffling, Raito walked back into the room. The girl whom he would now refer to as 'it' was whispering something into L's ear. L paled... well as much as one could pale when his skin was already white.

L adjusted his position into where he was sitting like a normal person. He reached under his desk and pulled out a gun. He pointed it at the annoying girl.

"You are a much larger hazard to this world than Kira," he announced and pulled the trigger. The bullet pierced 'it' and 'it' fell to the ground in a tragically beautiful heap. L pulled the trigger again just to make sure she wasn't going to get up.

L glanced over to where Raito was standing. "Raito-kun, in your attempt to kill me with that thing, the chances that you are Kira has been raised to 74 percent."

"... Raito-kun, crying is most unbefitting a man of your intelligence."

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Review if you think L would look sexy holding a gun XD. 


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